Well, Buck: What Happens When You Hit A Deer In Colorado

When I was 16 years old and just learning to drive, while cruising along HWY 1 into Wellington, I absolutely kid you not, a deer came rambling out of the field and rammed into the side of my car.

Hand to God, this happened. Was the deer sick? Was the deer crazy? Was the deer just ready to end it all? These questions have kept me up each night since the summer of 2000.

The deer ran right into the driver's side, AKA where I was sitting. In that moment, I made eye contact with the crazy ass deer. It all happened so fast, yet in slow motion.

I was frozen in fear. There was no way I would survive a thousand-pound animal (I'm not good at judging weight). All I know is I was praying to the Lord because, as we all know, there are no atheists in a foxhole.

When the deer made contact, the airbag in my 1993 Ford Escort exploded, possibly releasing toxic powder into my face. The deer then fell sideways onto my hood, rolled off, and stumbled out into a field.

I was shaken once the accident was over and the dust settled. It was dark outside, and my parents were expecting me home. One of the rear tires was a little wobbly, but I lived close, and they brought home KFC for dinner. I was determined to survive and eat those delicious buttery biscuits.

When I arrived home, I told my parents the deer-versus-Ford Escort story, and I absolutely swear to God they didn't believe me. And then my dad said, "Did you get out and kill it?" I'm like "ummmmmmmm".

Apparently, when something like this happens, you're supposed to get out of the car, find the animal, and put it out of its misery. I told him no, I didn't, and being 16, I only had a scrunchie and some grape-flavored lip gloss in the car.

It got me wondering: is that really a law, or is my dad just ruthless? So I looked it up.

Should you put the animal out of its misery?

According to Colorado law, my dad is a no-good liar. The law also says you DO NOT need to get out of the car with your scrunchie and try to strangle the deer.  They actually highly discourage doing that.

The Colorado State Patrol says that if you hit an animal, you should call them. Did I do that? No. But my karma will come in the form of lung cancer due to inhaling that airbag powder.